Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Death Sucks!

Earlier this week I received the sad news that my physician passed away Friday, August 8.

One would not think the death of a person whom you see once or twice a year could hurt so much.

Doctor appointments with her were like catching up with a dear friend over coffee (though no coffee was served and I might have only had on a hospital gown), it still was more like catching up than an appointment with my doctor.

Her death has really pulled the rug out from under me. Her online obit's guest book, has 14 pages and counting of people who have written in sharing memories of her. Like rubber necking at an auto accident, I keep finding myself back at her obit page.

I keep hoping I'll wake up and it just be a horrible nightmare. There are so many things I had thought of doing while she was alive and never did. A fellow knitter, I often thought of making stitch markers for her and mailing them in with a note about how much I appreciated her as my doctor.

My last appointment with her was my annual exam, 2 months after my riding accident and consequent surgery to fix my separated shoulder. I was her first appointment of the day and was in the waiting room when she entered. I was wearing one of the scarfs I knit; she asked me if I knit it and when I said yes, showed me hers and said that she knit too. I didn't say much and now I wish I had. I was still unable to do much knitting and wasn't the most pleasant when that subject was brought up.

And now she's gone.

And once again, as I've done off and on, I sit here, thinking about my friend and doctor, and tears roll down my face.

When one has to find a new doctor because of retirement or move, it has a totally different feeling than having to replace one due to death. I was lucky to have her as a doctor & friend over the past 12 or 13 years. She will be missed by many.
I guess it is true, each day is a gift that we are given. 24 hours to spend as we choose. She wouldn't want any of us to wallow in the pain that I have.
Death sucks!

No comments: