Monday, January 12, 2015
Fork in the Road - Do I go Left or Right?
Yes, I know, it's been "forever" since I posted something.
The road of life has been rather bumpy recently.
Last summer, my mother was diagnosed to be in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's. I have had a very stressful year at work, being assigned rather tough students in my Behavior Support Program classroom. Because I am successful with these type of children, I am getting some harder cases in the district. November we learned my dad had passed away.
As if the road of life wasn't bumpy enough, I was handed a huge pot hole when a fear I had at work became a reality.
A parent of one my students has some issues and will often take my words, twist them out of context then repeat them to a supervisor. It was always "yeah, ______ told me you said _____. I am sure there is more to the story..." and we'd talk about what actually happened. We know this parent doesn't have a good grasp of reality and would report things that weren't entirely based on facts. I always feared one day this parent would twist my words/actions out of context, report to one of my supervisors and I would end up with some type of repercussion over this difficulty of the truth.
In November, this fear became a reality and what has happened during the last 2 1/2 months has been a nightmare. I had an anxiety attack so bad over this issue that I thought I may need a trip to the Emergency Room!
After jumping through several hoops, I have been cleared of claims, but the issue still marches on.
Union and EEOC have been involved. The district has offered to "allow" me to apply for a transfer mid-year. An empty offer because there are no other positions open at this point in time. Further, why would I leave eight children who have problems with trust, just so I wouldn't have to deal with this ONE parent?! Why would the district even think that was an okay solution? Harm eight students to protect one?
I am not a church-goer but I do believe in God, and that he often has plans that we don't understand. I have prayed for understanding in what it is He wants me to do, as well as acceptance.
I have always had a dream of working with children AND horses, but have always felt this was a pipe dream. Something that would never be a possibility until I was retired.
When sharing the issues I am having at work with a friend who is the Director at a local Equine Assisted Therapy Center, she told me that I could have a paid position at the center, but it wouldn't be full-time, and they can't offer me health insurance.
So, do I continue with the Same Old Shit, or try Crazy New Shit?
While discussing what's been happening with my Acupuncturist, she stated that it is like I am on a trapeze. I can swing back and forth and be happy with the swing I am on, but I now have this opportunity to try something new (another swing). I can grab that swing (the equine position), but will never know what it's like until I let go of the old swing (my current teaching position).
Each time I do some research on the equine position, I am learning more and more positives with it. I was told by the director of the center, "You will have control over your hours and who you spend your days with. This will be like owning your own business."
I can apply for grants for my salary (I have received 90% of the grants I have requested as a Special Education teacher in Minnesota). It will be much like "my own business" as I will have to find clients for the center, but with my connections with the schools, that shouldn't be that difficult.
So, fork in the road, Crazy New Shit? Here I come!!!